1st Entry

1st Entry.

 

I am Victoria and this is my blog. I am 24 I live in Christchurch NZ, with my partner and our 2 children. We live in the belief that wealth is not measured by money but by love, memories and happiness… You might call us new age hippies, we don’t, we just call ourselves normal. This is what we know, this is what we do.

 I was raised in the far north of NZ. My family lived on a farm in a small settlement in the North Hokianga, a place called Kohukohu. My dad ran the local garage and we rented a house on an old sheep and cattle station called Te Karae, it was here that I experienced my NDE when I drowned in a water tank. It was this chapter of my life that sparked my interests in the other side of life, the “non physical”.

I hate labels, boxes, categories when it comes to people and life. It saddens me that people are categorized and stereotyped by their religion, ethnicity, the clothes they wear, the area they live in, why can’t we just all live and be left to live? instead we are constantly made to feel a sense of anxiety about the way we dress, the way we do our hair, the way we think, what our interests are,  out of fear about what society might think of us. After we have processed that emotion and we are confident that we will fit in and be ‘Normal’… we walk out our front door and might as well be punched in the face with the constant judgement and bullying that we face for being an INDIVIDUAL!!

I have experienced this my whole life, I was a pudgy white girl with blonde hair growing up in a rural community with 90% Maori population who had faced exploitation by early European settlers. As a result of this, I copped the anger and resentment that had been passed down through generations within the local iwi… I was picked on and bullied, yelled abuse at and all the rest… because I was fair skinned…It confused me slightly as to why something that happened 150 yrs prior all of a sudden was my fault? at 10? seriously?  Eventually I became immune to what people thought of me and was free to live my life and be who I wanted.

Recently my 5 yr old was introduced to the hierarchy of the school playground, some older kids were picking on him for having an earring saying the usual, “it’s ugly” “only girl’s have earrings”. This upset him as when we had travelled to India last year to visit my partners family all the boy had wanted was a diamond earring, so we took him to get one, and he thought he was king!

Now these snotty nosed little shit’s were trying to take that feeling away from him, he was walking through the playground hiding his ear in the collar of his jacket, and tried to tell me his ear was cold (only on one side). As you can guess it didn’t take me too long to figure out what was going on and I’m not the sort of mother who is going to go running to the child’s teacher and make it her problem, they do the best they can, but c’mon this is life and I know my child isn’t perfect!

I took him aside and gave him the best advice I think I have given him yet (better than, just ignore them and they will go away) I said ” Daniel, there will always be bullies, you will meet them now, and you will meet them when you are a grown man like your father. Bullies are scared people, who aren’t happy with themselves. They will find the one thing about you that makes you different to everyone else and they will pick on you and taunt you because of it”

“Daniel, the things about you that make you different to everyone else are the things that make you SPECIAL, they are what defines your character and makes you an individual, DO NOT LET THEM TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU!”

I then wished someone had said that to me when I was 5, I might have understood better the abuse I got from other children.

This sort of behaviour I believe is passed down,  as children we learn to communicate by watching and learning from the people around us, who become our role models. If we are constantly seeing them act a certain way, chance are we are going to start acting like that, at least until the big wide world tells us that’s not acceptable and retrains us… otherwise for the rest of our lives and then our children and our children’s children and so on.

Example, I recently got dreads, I’ve always wanted them, I love them and think they are so fricken cool, I feel really cool, everyone else thinks they are really cool too…. my best friend thinks they look stupid. This doesn’t bother me, I have known her most of my life and she has always put me down, called me ugly or made fun of me one way or another.

Why are you ‘Best friends” with this girl? you might think, if she is so mean to you. She is insecure. She has received the same treatment and comments from people in her inner circle throughout her life, and the way she makes herself feel better, is by passing the hurt onto someone else, I don’t mind being that someone else because I know they are empty remarks with no weight.

This problem is constant throughout society. I saw an article the other day that said “women over 40 are more comfortable in their skin, than women in their 20’s” That’s because they didn’t have photo shop 20 years ago.

I want my children to have a wholesome upbringing, I want them to find enjoyment through life’s simple pleasures, be happy with who they are and where they come from and free to express themselves however they like, without someone telling them its wring, dumb, stupid.  This is my greatest wish.

2 Comments

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2 responses to “1st Entry

  1. Well said. The words you speak are beyond your years.
    And we all were bullied as kids too – I had to learn martial arts at 8 yrs old to stop getting beaten up because we moved around so much I had never made friends and become one of anyone’s gang.
    Part of that time was spent in the Far North too and I copped the same anger as a teenager, forever branded as gay in a time when it was not acceptable. It was considered manly to accuse someone and that gave you the right to go and beat that person to the point of permanent brain damage or even death. It was so unjust – not only was I accused and beaten but I wasn’t even gay! Then I was also white in the days just before the land march and living in the Far North.
    But I learned something, not fitting into that social behaviour meant I could observe it unemotionally from outside. I saw that just as there are bullies, so there are also targets – people who show their tender spots. When these bullies see you react to something, they target that and it becomes a feeding frenzy.
    Sometimes to get them to leave you alone you need to answer them with something that smarts the ring leader enough to go pick on someone else and leave you alone.
    Daniel should realise that having an earing is a status symbol – really cool and out there – it sets him apart from the povos who can’t afford one. He’s really lucky his Mum and Dad let him get one. The bully’s Mummy and Daddy were either so poor they couldn’t get one or didn’t think he was special enough to make him stand out.

  2. I agree…this however; does not come as a surprise because aggression is being validated by everything that children are exposed to in today’s times. Parents think boisterous kids are smarter and the quiet and shy ones are socially awkward. As a parent, I am saddened by the bullying and think it is wrong as I was repeatedly bullied in my pre-teen years. The parents have a larger role to play here. They have to take ownership. The whole process of upbringing is feeling a bit flawed at the moment.

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